How to NOT have a bikini-ready body this summer

• Have kids.
• Marry a man that bakes brownies about 5 times a week.
• Keep no cookies in the house, so that you get so desperate you will bake them from scratch and eat half of the cookie dough.
• Buy 100-Calorie Snack Packs, and then eat the whole box in one sitting.
• Be comfortable in your air-conditioned living room, so that you never go outside to get a tan.
• Refuse to pay for a tan.
• Mention that you need plastic surgery to your husband. When he agrees, and says "it could be a possibility if working out really hard doesn't do the trick "... sabotage your workout.

This is pretty good advice. Trust me, I know from experience.