Security Threat

Something is wrong with me.   

(Insert your own obvious joke here.)

But besides all that.

It turns out I set off  security alarms when I walk into certain stores.  And I have no idea why.   Or maybe it’s all the stuff I stole. 

I kid.  I’m innocent.

 

This is a big problem though, people!  It’s embarrassing. 

I have narrowed the culprit down, and it’s my purse that is causing me this embarrassment.  I don’t know why.  I bought it fair and square. 

Yet, when I walk into Wal-Mart, Dick’s, Express and Home Depot, and various other places,  the alarm goes off and I get questioned. 

And here’s the thing,  it’s not EVERY TIME, just EVERY OTHER time or so!  Today, for example, it went off when I was walking IN to the store… but when I was strolling on out….. SILENCE.  I don’t know what the deal is. 

It is so annoying and embarrasing though……to be scared by the alarm, have a forced encounter with a Wal-Mart greeter, and pray no one I know is passing by while I get patted down by a 90 year old.  Ok, they don’t pat me down, but still, they make me dig my receipt out. 

What is the solution to this embarrassing problem?   A new purse ain’t gonna happen.  I love mine too much, even with this “special” problem.  Is it the phone, the credit cards, the stolen CD, what?  Is there a tag I need to remove?  I looked, there isn’t.  Should I have my purse rubbed on one of those mat thingies? 

My current solution is to time my entrance and exit at the same time as someone else, preferably someone that looks a  little more shady than I do.  And I may or may not shoot them a look that says “Ah, I can’t believe you just tried to steal stuff from Wal-Mart.”

Now then, I can avoid Express.  That’s easy.  And at Dick’s, I can go in without my purse, because I’ll have Grant and his wallet, same goes for Home Depot.  But Wal-Mart….. I can’t avoid that place.  It’s like my second home. 

Anywho, your suggestions are needed.  And if we are ever on a shopping trip together, you might want to walk about ten steps behind me when we enter and exit each store.  Consider this fair warning.