Isn’t motherhood awesome?
Yeah, he gagged on a fortune cookie, then began to puke. It was awesome.
And I decided to catch it all. In my hands. Even more awesome.
Why did I feel like I needed to catch it in my hands? Not sure. I mean, is that a normal reaction? I guess I just didn’t want there to be a big mess and have people be totally grossed out by me and my boy. But, most likely I didn’t want it to splatter on my new boots. My subconscious feels very strongly about boots. It loves them. Either way, I was left standing in aisle 12 with a double handful of puke.
And I couldn’t go anywhere, my arms were useless, and I didn’t want to leave a trail. I was paralyzed with my double handful of puke.
There was an unassuming elderly man that witnessed the whole thing go down. Or come out, rather. He asked if he should go get some help. Um, yes please.
I waited.
And waited.
And waited.
Still HOLDING THE PUKE. Protecting Hy-Vee’s floor. Protecting the boots.
He later returned with A NAPKIN! And then he just placed it on top of my hands. I could tell he wished his arms were longer and he didn’t have to get so close to me and my double handful of puke.
But A SINGLE NAPKIN!? Seriously!? I was cupping a double handful of puke, and now there was a napkin gently resting on top of it. How is this any better?
The guy then turned and walked away super quickly. I can’t blame him. He didn’t want to help the strange lady that catches her kid’s puke. He was just in the wrong aisle at the wrong time and felt obligated to help. Even if it was just throwing a single napkin at me.
I could only laugh about how ridiculous I looked.
Eventually an employee came to my rescue, and all was well.
Except for the fact that now, three hours later, after 10 handwashings, and a shower…. I still can’t get that puke smell off my hands.
That’s just the awesomeness of motherhood, I guess.
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Ok, so I've been stalking--er--following your blog now for a few posts, but this is too much. You had me with tears TEARS! I was laughing so hard. I think your instinct to catch it was remarkable. You now know you are one to jump in to save the day in an emergency. I'd want Brei on my side when something goes down ;)
ReplyDeleteHILARIOUS! Too funny, Brei. But you need to know that you are not the only mother who has caught "puke" with her bare hands! You are just the only one to make it such a funny story!
ReplyDeleteI was disappointed that you didn't have the old guy take a picture for this post. I mean he was obviously there to help. After the ceremonial covering of the puke, you could have nodded to your purse and asked him to grab your cell phone to preserve this moment for your readers. This really shows a lack of commitment to the journalistic integrity needed to maintain this website!! BTW, what was Cash's fortune?
ReplyDeleteHa ha ha -- I'm so sorry this happened to you! But so glad you documented it.
ReplyDeleteOh, my goodness!!! I can just feel the puke in my hands as I read your post. Ahh! Glad Cash and your boots are OK. :-)
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